Its the DAY AFTER, The black cloud of Valentines smoke has cleared...it seems that we've all survived...or at least partially survived..Has any else noticed the coming trend of Valentines Day becoming the ANTI Love day? The ANTI Valentines party is on the rise at an alarming rate. I watched a handful of promos on TV where the basic theme for Valentines day this year was "LOVE STINKS." I think its hilarious. You've got half of the people out there going to a nice dinner with whoever the object of their affection may be andf the other half engaging in rebellion. There were parties being thrown throughout the night that celebrated being WITHOUT...resenting the fact that those who have no "Official" Valentine are forced to feel inferior..celebrating being single...an interesteing development.
I woke up this morning a bit depressed. My life has experienced some changes in the past few weeks...past few months and I'm still trying to get my bearings...I'm still trying to get my wits about me. I've been working so hard for so long to push my career to the next level and I feel stuck. I know, I'm supposed to be a fighter, a warrior...I'm tireless and clever...but ist really hard to stay ultra-positive and driven ALLthe time...its part of being an actor or an artist. You're at odds with the world sometimes and you have these moments of doubt that drop on you like a cinder block.
I had a dream last night that I was on the phone with a big A-list agent and we were talking about working together and then suddenly he changed his mind. I got really pissed off. He couldnt explain why so i started ranting on the phone about how agents cant see the trees through the forest, how they are afraid to take a chance on anything or anyone thats not wrapped in a pretty red bow (Whatever THAT means). I begged him to give me a chance. I begged him to believe in me.
No wonder I woke up feeling like shit. Shame on me for begging like that. Where's my dignity?
I imagine that my first major break will come at the hands of my own deeds, my own blood sweat and tears. I'll end up passing along my good fortune to an associate or someone who's been there for me because I'll need help managing my success. I'll recruit and enlist friends as my manager, agent, consultants. Those who have always believed in me. We'll come together and we'll start handing out beat downs. I'll put together a team, a staff to handle the surge. My staff, those who are closest to me, will take the world by storm, laughing all the way to the bank. We'll become a conglomerate of movie stars, filmmakers, entrepeneurs and ambassadors of good will. I'll be an activist, involved in the community. I'll devote time, energy and money to improving the quality of life for American veterans of war, like my father. I'll also devote time and money towards finding a cure for bi-polar disorder, a condition, disease, whaveter you want to call it, that I've come to know every well. My father suffers from bi-polar disorder.
I would give anything for him to see the day that he can live his life unmedicated, feeling the highs of life, the lows and all that falls in between. Something that many of us take for granted, including myself.
Suddenly I feel better...motivated...
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